10 tip for surviving Christmas

How to get what you want for Christmas. Make your husband a list with what you want,where it is, and how much it is. Things work much better with men if they don't have to think. It  also doesn't hurt to add a love note. Example: Honey, I know you will do great and this will be a great Christmas. Please remember I have a credit card and know how to use it. Love ya.

The house will not burn down if you don't unplug all the Christmas lights. If it does you can officially say I told you so.

 Not everything has to be on timers. Bending down to turn the tree lights on and off may be the only time  we get to see our toes.

 Do not drink wine while making out your Christmas cards. The last thing you want to do is send your co-worker that sexually suggestive  Christmas card.

How to survive Christmas dinner. Just order that 40 dollar meal from the store. Then plaster them with wine. They will never remember if they eat or not.

If you get that ugly sweater or outfit don't sweat it. Just return it and tell them your saving it for a special occasion. If they brings it up at a future date just say you loved it. But unfortunately you have gained a few pounds and it no longer fits.  Not only are you off the hook but you have made they day. Everyone loves to hear that somebody besides them has gained weight.

Want to get rid of your in laws quickly. Just get out the slide show of you in high school  . Old vacation slid work well also. One very important thing to remember. No slides of grand kids. You will never get rid of them if you make this mistake.

Being called a tree Nazi  is not a good thing. You will survive if the tree looks lopsided due to the ornaments being place mostly on one side. Just set back and smile as you see the tree get better with each past year and your loved children turn into their own little tree Nazi.

For all of you that have that one relative that talks with they mouth full. Invite your self over. Accidentally pick up their cell  making sure to be in another room so they don't hear it ring.  Then text them that dinner is an hour earlier. That way when they show up after dinner. You can always ask " Didn't you get my text."

When it gets to the point you want to kill someone.: Grab a glass of wine . No make that a bottle. Head up stairs to the bedroom ,lock the door and put in ear plugs.  The last thing you need is to be arrested. And I can guaranty no cop wants to be filing out a report on a crazed women when he can be home with his family.

Now you have an insight to how my brain works. Scary isn't it.